Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
