Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
