You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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