Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
