I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
