we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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