come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
