cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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