I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
