It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
