No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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