Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
