My liver just broke up with me...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
