I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
