im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm going to jail i love you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
