YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
