Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
