mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
