dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
