I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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