Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
