I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
