brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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