My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
