I am puke
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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