Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
