lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
should my penis look like a turkey
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
