Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
