you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
