Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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