just tell him i said nine months
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
