I think my vagina is haunted
I met the friendliest cop last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
