My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
