i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
