Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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