I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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