The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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