She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
