SEEEEXXX PLEASE
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
