We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
