We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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