He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
