i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
