apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
