Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
