All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
