remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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