She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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