I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
