I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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